Welcome Back, Bi-lateral Kidney Pain and nausea. Oh, how I missed you!

My husband is home on leave for a couple weeks. He took the girls out while running a couple errands and here I am...in a wretched mood. The girls really stressed me out today and I'm having a hard time shaking it.

For some reason, hardly 100% psychological (I doubt), kidney pain always comes on the strongest when I'm stressed. I think being stressed does something to the pain receptors in your brain, like that emotional state weakens your resolve and sucks your endorphins dry. Sure, the pain was there the whole time, but on several occasions throughout the years, when I've been under great stress, the pain comes on like getting blindsided by a train. This doesn't mean I'm in tons of pain, it just means I feel the pain relative to what's going on inside of me. Tonight, it's that annoying salesman-knocking-at-your-door pain. A pain that's letting me know that the stones are back earlier than usual. Great.

I haven't been taking very good care of myself over the past couple months. I haven't been eating well, and I haven't been taking my meds. Do I care? No - no regrets even now that I'm feeling pain again. Classic depression. I'm a logical person. I know I need to stay well while my husband is in Japan for the sake of my children, but I've gotten to the point where I just don't care and I'm struggling with everything on an hour-to-hour basis. Part of it is how I still don't have any Zofran but I'm trying to take care of that now as I write this.

There are so many people out there who have it worse than I do. Some people would be glad to have cystinuria vs. whatever ails them. Gawd I feel like an ass for complaining.

On a side note, despite my awesome Stanford GP and the care in general, I really miss my old setup at the Naval Hospital and my civilian doc. Things happen quick in less-populated areas/on base. Here I have to wait weeks for a CT to get approved by Tricare, despite my diagnosis. There I could go on base and talk to Dave the CT guy. Sigh.

/ramble